Elizabeth Batson, MFT
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Winter faith helps us survive

5/25/2013

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This essay captures my own feelings about living through difficult times.
From Invincible Summer by Reverend Bruce Clear
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Like the winter season, the wintry times of life make great demands upon us. Like the season, winter time in the heart impresses itself upon us, and reminds us of our fragility, our subjugation to conditions beyond our control; it reminds us of our mortality.

A wintry faith can be committed to accepting the tragic dimensions of life. It does not seek to transform sorrow into joy, but instead to confront sorrow on its own terms, and find some meaning within it. There is hope in a wintry faith, but it is the kind of hope that comes from strength, not by defeating pain, but by learning from it, and learning to live with it, learning to live in spite of it, and learning to live after it has left its mark. It makes us ready to accept summer, when summer comes.

But winter is just one season, and very few people can live in winter continually. Eventually, there comes the Spring thaw, and the promise of summer is felt. In the darkest nights of winter, we know that summer will come. Eventually, the coldness of winter in the heart begins to fade, and a new season emerges. Those who appreciate winter, who are strengthened by the cold absence felt in the heart, are also capable of appreciating summer, when it is summer's turn to come. But winter is never forgotten. The memory of a bitter furious cold will linger, sometimes close at hand and sometimes far away, but the memory never fades completely for those who appreciate a wintry faith.

From a sermon given by Rev. Bruce Clear on January 11, 2004 at All Souls Unitarian Church, Indianapolis, Indiana. The full sermon is at http://www.allsoulsuuindy.org/ser20040111.htm


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Things We Wished People Knew About Our Sibling With Special Needs

3/24/2013

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This entry comes from a conversation with the kids from the Parent Helping Parents March 2013 Sibshop. 

We all have brothers or sisters with special needs. As a group, we made this list of things that we wished people knew about our situation.

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Learning to worry

3/24/2013

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When I was in high school, a friend told me, "Worry is like a rocking chair. You spend a lot of energy going back and forth but you never get anywhere." In the years since then, I have had plenty of practice with worry and have learned how to do it (and not do it) better.
For some problems, worry can be useful. Worry helps me plan ahead. Not only does worry help me create an action plan but also a plan B and plan C, just in case. However, eventually I reach a dead end where the worry ties me in knots without generating any productive results. That's when it is time to trot out the serenity prayer: Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference. (And yes, this is easier said than done!)

Over the years, I have encountered more and more situations that I don't like but can't change. Eventually, I saw the wisdom in accepting reality. No matter what I want, some things are beyond my control. My only choice is how I respond - worry, anger, or acceptance. The universe continues in its path no matter which one I choose, the only difference is how I feel inside. When I get tired of banging my head against reality, I am ready to accept that some things are beyond my control.

Recently I discovered a third option - to accept that sometimes I just need to worry. Acceptance is a nice concept (and easier on the nerves) but if I'm not there, I'm not there. Worrying about my worry is even less productive than just plain worrying. Instead, I try to relax, accept the worry and realize that this too will pass.

If you want help managing your worry, check out the resource page on Worry and Stress.
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    I am a Marriage and Family Therapist that works primarily with people who are feeling overwhelmed and want to figure out better ways of coping with life's challenges.

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